The Root of Strife and How to Fix It
The stage is set for a story that began with Israel, a nation set apart from all the others by the Creator for a purpose. Unbeknownst to all, this tiny nation would play a role in the redemption of the entire world. In Parashat Devarim, they were at the border of the land that the Creator promised to give to their forefathers by covenantal agreement. A covenant is a contract between two parties, both of whom had oaths to fulfill. The Creator always keeps His oaths, while His creation, who generally looks for loopholes, struggles.
So, Moses begins here by reminding the Israelites that it should have taken them only eleven days to reach their destination, rather than forty years, implying that this new nation had already broken its part of the bargain! Then, he reminds the “next” generation of the defeat of two powerful kings: Sihon of the Amorites and Og of Bashan, to show them they could trust that God would keep His part of the covenant after they had crossed the Jordan (1: 8). No other kings would be beyond their reach because of the Hand of the Almighty God, provided that they held up their end.
That’s the hard part, as we see even with Moses, when he said: “I spoke to you at that time, saying… How can I, myself alone, carry your weight, your burden, and your strife?” We all forget that God never asked anyone to carry the burden alone. Aside from the fact that He would always be with us, He told Moses in Devarim 1:13: “Choose men with Chochma, Bina, and Da’at among your tribes, and I will make them heads.” Chochma means competent Wisdom, Bina means discerning Understanding, and Da’at refers to relational and situational Knowledge. God gave mankind Bechira Chofshit, Free Will, which would help us develop these three gifts, but we are not born with them. They come after years of challenging situations, and by choosing to live by the principles of the Torah.
We all have strife in our lives – in our families, our workplaces, and among friends and neighbors. We try to communicate honestly with one another, but it is usually difficult unless there is humility and trust on both sides, and these can only come from a desire to walk with God. The majority, however, emphasizes pride, putting up a façade at the expense of poor, insincere relationships. When we have the desire to hold onto a relationship, we can seek advice from people who have Chochma, wisdom; then our conversations can lead to Bina, gaining understanding of the situation from various perspectives, and finally, we can act with Da’at, the knowledge of the situation at both a physical and spiritual level, that can lead to resolution. We need to learn not to act or react when our stress level is high, not to be impulsive but to wait, and to never just sweep the problem under the rug, compounding it with the others already there. It may be hard, but it’s not impossible.
We can first ask ourselves: Why is my stress level so high about this particular issue? And do some serious soul searching. When our stress levels get out of control, our sight is obscured, the understanding of the situation becomes blurred, and we make bad decisions. This can weaken our immune systems, which can lead to illness and cause us to avoid dealing with the situation. It happened to me this past week. When my stress level was out of control, I remembered what Moses did when he was faced with strife. In Devarim 1:14, He asked God. In that moment, I sat down, closed my eyes, and began talking to God. The facts were swirling around in my brain, but I knew that I had consulted with others about what was bothering me and that my response had to align with the principles of Torah. It wasn’t long until I felt a weight lift from my shoulders and I could get on with my day in a much better state of mind to deal with the situation. God had answered me, and I was able to apply the advice from my friends.
In every case that causes us strife, there is history to be examined, issues to be forgiven, and lessons to be learned. That’s how we grow, and that takes time and the willingness to confront them. That’s what the journey of the Israelites is teaching us. It is simple, but not easy. God chose a people to bring a message to the world through their lives. It was never a matter of whether or not they believed in the existence of God; it was a matter of whether they trusted Him and kept their part of the bargain. That hasn’t changed!
These parashot will recount all the battles Israel had to fight to claim the land God gave them, reminding us of the battles we face throughout our lives. The secret of how we face them lies in verse 21: “Behold, the LORD your God has set the land before you; go up and possess it, as the LORD God of your fathers has said to you: Do not fear nor be discouraged.”
There’s a verse we may gloss over that precedes this… verse 18: “…at that time I commanded you all the things which you should do.” Again, it’s a two-way covenant. When we listen to Him, i.e. obey Him, little by little we watch our fears and discouragement fade as we learn that He’s a loving Father who wants to protect us, and we can trust Him. In verse 26, Moses reminded the people: “However, you would not go up, but you rebelled against the commandment of the LORD your God;” and he repeats in verse 29: “Then I said to you, Do not dread or be afraid of them.” But in verse 32 and 33, we are reminded, “Yet in this thing you did not believe the LORD your God, Who went ahead of you … to show you which way you should go.” He’s always pointing us in the right direction.
God is our Father, and we are all His children, but we are like a stubborn two-year-old who says, “I do it myself.” Children are innocent but need to be taught and disciplined. Sadly, we are not born with a clean slate according to the second commandment: “I am a jealous God who visits the iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who reject Me…” So our work needs to be focused on the next words…” but shows kindness to the thousandth generation of those who love Me and keep My commandments. “ So, this is telling us that after a limited number of generations (3-4), there is a way to experience God’s lovingkindness. That’s teshuva, turning back to the Creator and learning to love Him. Love in Hebrew means loyalty, and loyalty is a choice.
How often have parents said when they have children, “There’s no manual on how to raise them.” Wrong… the Scriptures are the manual, and Proverbs 22:6 tells us: “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The Torah needs to be read and lived, preferably starting from the home in which we are raised rather than from prison.
The following verses show that children should be encouraged to ask questions and that parents should be available to answer them. Exodus 12: 26-27 says: “When your children say to you, “What do you mean by this service? ‘ you shall tell your son on that day…” And Ex.13:14 says: “And when in time to come your sons ask you, ‘ What does this mean?” you shall say to him….” Deut 11:19 says, “You shall teach them to your children when you are sitting in your house, when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Joshua 46:7 says, “When your children ask in times to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you? You shall tell them…” And Joel 1:3: “Tell your children about it and let your children tell their children and their children to another generation.” Today we are afraid to tell our children anything because it can harm them psychologically. One of the major failures of society today is that the father’s role as protector of the family has all but been erased. The need for family itself is undermined. The father is the spiritual head of the home. His wife, his helpmate and the mother of their children, is so important in helping him fulfill his role. When we break the Fifth Commandment to honor father and mother, we dishonor the God who created us.
Devarim chapter 2 tells us how God directed the path of the Israelites, including the stranger among them, every step of the way: how they were to deal with their brother Esau and their relatives, the Moabites and Ammonites, from Lot. God made Esau fear them just as He did with the other nations. Verse 25 says, “This day will I begin to put the dread of you and the fear of you upon the nations that are under the entire heaven, who shall hear the report of you, and shall tremble, and be in anguish because of you.” Again, in chapter 3: 22, important words: “DO NOT FEAR THEM; for the LORD your God shall fight for you.” That’s hard to do, especially today when every aspect of society is geared toward fear-mongering.
Our haftarah portion reminds us again of our part of the covenant. Isaiah 1:16-20 declares, “Wash yourselves, cleanse yourselves; put away your evil doings from my sight; stop doing evil; learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, seek justice for the orphan, and plead for the widow. Come now, and let us reason together, said the LORD; … If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured with the sword; for the mouth of the LORD has spoken it. Fear and discouragement are the results of refusal and rebellion. These slowly dispel when we turn ourselves over to God.
The Torah is the manual that helps us, over time, develop Chochma (wisdom), Bina (understanding), and Da’at (knowledge) for everything we need to live out our part of the covenant. BUT when we don’t want to listen to the Creator, when we mock Him, when we add to His Words or we take away from His Words, when we blame Him instead of being grateful to Him, let’s not ask, Where is God? Rather, let’s turn back to Him.
The world is waiting for a Savior, a Messiah, another god to come and fix this fine mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. Yet Moses, who was a messiah, (which simply means a man anointed by God), and a savior in his day (he saved the people from the Egyptians), understood that he couldn’t bear the weight of his people alone. But he didn’t cry out for another messiah to come; he spoke to the God of his fathers. He understood the covenantal relationship. The lesson for us is that we don’t have to wait for a savior, because the only savior of the world is the GOD of Israel, and He has always been here. That’s what Rabbi Yeshua told us…the kingdom of heaven is here. You and I are each called to light the path for those around us to walk with GOD by first learning to trust Him ourselves. Isn’t that what we’re doing here?
Shabbat Shalom
Peggy Pardo