The Torah guides us through the stories of men and women who have gone through what we face every day. No one knows their whole story, and where it doesn’t say, we can only guess. It is like 5 blind men who were asked to describe an elephant. One touched and described just the tail; another, the trunk; the rest, a leg, a side, and an ear. All were true, but no one can see the whole picture; only the Creator. With that in mind, we delve into Chayei Sarah, beginning with her death in Hebron. Abraham came from Beersheva to mourn for her and to bury her. From this we can surmise that they were not living together at the end. Marriage is not easy, and sometimes separation is needed. What circumstances might have led up to them separating after so many years? I thought of how Abram asked Sarah to lie twice for him about being his sister to save his life. Wait…wasn’t he a man of faith? Could this have slowly eroded her trust in her husband? So another question now arises: Did Sarah hear that Abraham was taking Isaac to be sacrificed? Was this her final straw?
For his part, it was no small thing to Abraham that Sarah insisted he get rid of Hagar and Ishmael, whom he loved. After all, didn’t Sarah bring Hagar to him because she couldn’t wait for something she deemed impossible – the birth of her own son? The faith of our heroes in the Scriptures was constantly tested, but what is the secret to surviving these tests?
I noticed that it was Abraham who always said “Hineni” to God, not Sarah and not even Isaac. Abraham’s emunah (faith) turned into bitachon (trust) after he took that step of faith and did what God asked of him. Then the angel stopped his hand, and only then could he see the ram caught in the thicket. Trust is not easy to build, but it changes the heart from fear to gratitude.
The two men never returned home to Sarah, and then she died. We can only guess about the details. Had she heard what God had told Abraham? After all she had seen, why didn’t she trust God and wait for the outcome? We can’t blame her. How often do we lose trust time and again? But we can ask ourselves, whose example do WE follow, Sarah’s or Abraham’s? Not one of us is perfect. Each step of faith we take develops into trust, which brings peace into our lives. And this takes time. Every day we have the chance to start again.
From Abraham, we learn the art of negotiation; he was a true diplomat. Abraham wanted to purchase a burial tomb for Sarah, so he planned ahead. He humbled himself before the Hittites, admitting to these proud people that he was simply a ger toshav, a stranger who lived among them. Although they relied on their gods, they recognized that he was someone special, calling him “Adoni, nisi Elohim”, lord, prince of gods or judges. Thus, their negotiations could begin on an equal footing. He set them at ease and showed respect for the Hittites by not confronting Ephron directly and by asking them to serve as intermediaries. He allowed Ephron to set the price, which he accepted immediately without bargaining; this afforded Ephron the courtesy of not appearing to exploit a grieving man. Their dealings were held at the gate, in front of many witnesses, to legitimize them and ensure that the deed to the property would remain uncontested. The tomb would belong to him outright, and the community validated the sale. Yet over centuries, this land has been contested by the peoples who occupied it; right up until today, the political control is divided between the Palestinian Authority and Israel. We can see that the Torah is not considered a legal document by the nations, and Sarah’s Tomb remains a bone of contention until the day God restores it to us, along with all the land He promised us. Like Abraham and Sarah, we will be tested until we are deemed ready, in God’s eyes, to receive and honour it.
Next we read a very exciting story about Abraham’s servant finding a wife for Isaac. In those days, it was unheard of for two young people to meet, fall in love and marry with or without their parents’ consent. Abraham took his role of finding the right person for Isaac very seriously. He knew that his compliant son would need a strong woman like Sarah. Abraham sent his most trusted servant to Mesopotamia, his home country, to bring back a wife for Isaac, making him swear that he would not allow Isaac to return there, nor would he be allowed to marry a Canaanite among whom they lived. Why would he send his servant back to his family who, like the Canaanites, were not God-fearing people?
Abraham understood that mothers are extremely influential in the lives of their children, and that it wouldn’t be long before Isaac’s children had been converted to their pagan ways. But if a young woman left her home, far away, with no going back, as Sarah had done, she would grow up in a family and a household that had a relationship with Abraham and Isaac’s God. Thus, the Torah emphasizes the father’s responsibility to be a strong spiritual head of his home so that the lineage can survive. Sadly, our sages have changed that role, delegating it to the mother. There is a reason God said: “Do not add or take away from my words.”
A relationship with God is open to all, as we see with Abraham’s servant. When he arrived at his destination, he knelt down just outside the city by a well and made a specific request to the Lord God of his master Abraham. I wondered if, during his long journey, he had thought about the exact question he would ask the young woman, following the same pattern Abraham had before he bought Sarah’s tomb? Years later, Nehemiah would tell King Darius exactly what he needed to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. And Gideon would ask God for an exact sign in his story of the fleece. Sometimes we are afraid to be specific when we ask God to meet our needs, but when our requests fall within God’s clear boundaries for our lives, He gives us the freedom to ask. This allows us to see His mercy and generosity toward us when He responds, and it is then that our trust in Him grows.
The servant’s joy must have been beyond measure when the young girl at the well fulfilled every word of his prayer to the letter. When he met with Rebecca’s family, he couldn’t even eat before he spilled out his whole story. But it looks like they weren’t as excited about his prayer being answered as they were about the rings and bracelets he gave to Rebecca. To me, Laban’s words, “come in blessed of the Lord”, demonstrate his hypocrisy, because after the servant finished telling them this miraculous story, all they could say was, “The matter proceeds from YHVH, but we cannot speak to you bad or good.” It’s as if they were saying, “Whatever is good for you” instead of shouting, “Wow, there is no doubt in our minds that this is from Abraham’s God.” Miracles are not what bring people to trust God. Trusting God is a process that comes only with time, after walking with Him, obeying His call, and watching Him answer our prayers. It’s a two-way street.
The day after giving her brother and mother so many precious gifts, Abraham’s servant was eager to bring her back to Isaac, but her brother and mother insisted she stay for at least ten days. Perhaps they thought that during this extra time they could convince them to make this their home and bring all of Isaac’s wealth back to them. This demonstrates how scheming they could be, and that characteristic would haunt Rebecca in the years to come.
Then we read something extraordinary at a time when women were considered to be of less value than cattle: “They said, we will call and ask the girl what she wants to do.” She immediately says, “I will go”, meaning right away. This showed a quality of leadership and strength of character beyond her physical strength, as seen in bringing water to all their camels. She was exactly what Isaac needed.
Upon returning home, the servant told Isaac all that happened. Then “Isaac brought her into his mother’s tent; he took her, and she became his wife, and he loved her. Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” This verse speaks volumes. Isaac immediately understood that this was God’s will, and he decided to love her. Love (ahava) in Hebrew is not a hormone-based feeling; it is an action that expresses loyalty. Once the decision was taken, there was no need for a long engagement; he had met his kenegdo, his counterpart to whom he would remain committed. From this story, we can see how important the role parents and family play in helping their children to find the right mate. I know that from experience.
The parashah ends in chapter 25 with Abraham taking another wife named Keturah, and that he also had concubines, many of whom would become Israel’s future enemies. He gave gifts to the sons of his concubines and sent them away from Isaac, and verse 5 states that Abraham gave all that he had to Isaac. Could this be one of the root causes of the hatred and jealousy that have been passed down throughout the ages, right up until today? Could the only way to truly understand what is happening in the world today lie right here in the Torah?
Well, the Torah gives us hope: verse 12 states, “Now these are the generations of Ishmael, Abraham’s son whom Hagar the Egyptian, Sarah’s maidservant, bore to Abraham…twelve princes according to their nation,” followed by, “And these are the generations of Isaac, Abraham’s son….who would also have twelve princes through Jacob, Isaac’s son.
Isaac’s life was saved on Mount Moriah when Abraham lifted his eyes and saw the ram caught in the thorns. This may have strengthened Abraham’s faith, but it tested Isaac to his limits. Verse 11 says that Isaac was living by the well Lahairoi. That was where God opened Hagar’s eyes when she saw the well that saved Ishmael’s life after Abraham sent them away.
Perhaps the trauma of this test became too hard for Isaac to bear in that moment; he needed time and distance, and to be quiet at the well of Hagar’s miracle, before he could look back and see what God had done and why He allowed him to be tested so severely.
Both Isaac and Ishmael were saved by a miracle.
Both Isaac and Ishmael came together to bury their father.
Both became fathers of twelve tribes whose future generations would become multitudes, like the dust of the earth, as God promised to Abraham.
Both depict that God works in the lives of whomever He chooses. Isaac is the father of the future people Israel, chosen to be ohr l’goyim, light to the nations, and Ishmael is the father of the people who are considered goyim, other nations.
Matthew 22:14 says, “Many are called, but few are chosen.” Being chosen is a role that carries a huge responsibility; it is not a privilege or a value judgment. We will all be tested, so let’s learn from these stories in the Torah how to trust the one GOD who is always with us, both the called and the chosen. Mount Moriah is today’s Jerusalem, and this story of Ishmael and Isaac depicts how, in the end, as Isaiah, Micah, and Zechariah prophesied, ALL nations shall come together and bow before the God of Israel on the holy mountain of Yerushalayim, Mount Moriah, where this all began.
Shabbat Shalom
Peggy Pardo