Can we choose trust over fear?
Parashat Vayishlach begins with Jacob, a timid man, finally facing his brother, Esau, a hunter, whom he had reason to fear. Jacob had taken advantage of Esau. In a moment of weakness, he convinced Esau to sell him his birthright. But what really bothered Esau was that Jacob stole his father, Isaac’s (Innermost) blessing from his soul תְּבָרֶכְךָ֥ נַפְשֶֽׁךָ “t’varech’cha nafshecha”. Esau yelled: “First he took away my birthright, and now he has taken away my blessing!” … “Have you not reserved a blessing for me?” This word “blessing” is repeated twenty times in chapter 27. I don’t think we can truly understand the power of the blessing, but over the next twenty years, Jacob would learn what “midah keneged midah – measure for measure” truly means. Due to his own deceit, he would be taken advantage of at every turn by good old uncle Laban, but this would teach Jacob invaluable lessons for his future.
In a moment of desperation, Jacob cries out to God: “Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau…” (Bereshit 32:13). How many of us have experienced moments of dread when we have been faced with a situation that feels overwhelming? What do we do? How do we handle it? That’s where the Torah come in. It teaches us formulas and principles for dealing with these inevitable situations. It doesn’t teach us specifically what to do, because these events happened in a different era, in another part of the world, and in a very different culture, but it does teach us how to think and strategize.
Now, when Jacob had fled from Esau, God spoke to him, “I am YHVH, the GOD of your grandfather Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give the land on which you are lying to you and your descendants.… Remember, I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I will also bring you back to this land because I will not leave you until I do what I have promised you.” (Gen. 28) So, we might think that these words from God’s mouth would be enough to instantly change Jacob into a strong, trusting, courageous believer, but we don’t see Jacob ever stopping to consider how much he had changed during those 20 years. He was no longer the timid and spoiled man who had left home all those years ago. In Haran, he had to work full-time for Laban, who cheated him repeatedly. He worked without pay, as a shepherd, enduring the blazing heat of the day and the freezing temperatures at night. He had fathered 13 children.
Instead, the Torah says, “Jacob was greatly frightened”. We see a formula emerge as we watch Jacob. Despite his intense fear, he assessed the situation and first spoke to his wives to ensure they agreed with him and would follow him wherever he went. He sent messengers ahead to help him determine what he was up against. Once armed with the information, he divided his people into two camps so that if Esau attacked one, the other might escape. He hoped for the best and planned for the worst.
And last but not least, He spoke to his GOD, reminding Him about His promise. He didn’t boast about his strength; instead, he said, “I am unworthy of all the mercy and truth of what you have done for Your servant.” Then he prayed for deliverance from Esau, who was coming to him with 400 people. And, as a gesture of goodwill to win his brother’s heart, Jacob prepared gifts in abundance for Esau and devised a strategic plan for his servants to deliver them ahead of him. Jacob showed himself to be a true leader despite his anxiety and fear.
Then the Torah tells us that “Jacob was left alone”. How many of us have experienced that? Out of nowhere, a man appears who fights with Jacob all night to the point that his hip was wrenched at its socket. Whoever or whatever this man was, it depicts the inner battle that Jacob was fighting… and he emerges victorious, for it says: “כִּֽי־שָׂרִ֧יתָ עִם־אֱלֹהִ֛ים וְעִם־אֲנָשִׁ֖ים וַתּוּכָֽל׃” Ki sarita im elohim v’im anashim v’tuchal.”…for you strived with God and with men and have prevailed.” It is then that Jacob, the deceiver, was officially renamed Israel. One of the derivatives of the name Israel is “sarita” from this verse, meaning “strived.” I think of how we, the Jewish people, have strived with our God over the centuries and continue to do so to this very day. We must learn from Jacob’s story – to be humble and grateful for God’s compassion and mercy toward us.
Vayishlach tells us that Esau and Jacob hugged and kissed, and although they went their separate ways, they came together to bury their father. Jacob’s descendants are the people of Israel, while Esau’s descendants have become their enemies. How did this happen? Jacob and Esau were twins; they had the same parents and were raised in the same environment. But let’s look at the choices they made. Esau chose wives from among the Canaanites, making Rebecca and Isaac miserable, while Jacob obeyed his parents. Perhaps, in his desire to please them, Esau then married an Ishmaelite—another tragedy for his parents. Women have tremendous influence on their children, and I’m sure these women heard stories about how Jacob robbed Esau of his double inheritance. I doubt they cared about the blessing. Ishmael had been sent away from Isaac without a penny – food for gossip. Laban’s sons spread the lie that Jacob stole their father’s wealth.
All these stories, passed down throughout the generations, have fanned the flames of hatred against Israel, their brothers, and later, toward the Jewish people throughout the centuries. This is called anti-Semitism. And then we read in Vayishlach: “Timna was a concubine of Esau’s son Eliphaz; she bore Amalek to Eliphaz”. Amalek has a long history of hatred toward the Jews, beginning when they attacked the freed slaves right after they left Egypt. They didn’t attack the armed men; they aimed at the old, the weak, the sick and the children who were in the rear.
In this week’s haftarah, Obadiah addresses the descendants of Esau, who are described as having arrogant hearts. He said, “… for the violence done to your brother Jacob, shame shall engulf you, and you shall be cut off forever.” Remember Haman, who tried to have the Jews of Persia annihilated in one day? He was a descendant of Amalek. Obadiah continues, “You should not have gazed with glee upon your brother that day, on the day of his calamity, nor rejoiced over the people of Judah on the day of their destruction.” Didn’t the people of Gaza cheer two years ago on October 7th when the hostages were murdered, raped and kidnapped? They don’t realize that they are jeering against the God of Israel. Obadiah continues, “The House of Jacob shall be fire and the House of Joseph flame, while the House of Esau shall be straw.” Sadly, hatred is the “raison d’être” for these people, but thanks to God, even that will come to an end one day. It is a two-sided coin: deceit on one hand that breeds hatred, and unchecked hatred that turns to sinat chinam, unbridled hatred.
God told Jacob to return to Bethel, after which he ordered his household to rid themselves of alien gods and to cleanse themselves inside and out before going. Here, he was reminded that his name, Jacob, was from his past and that now, his name was Israel. Both names would still be used, e.g. we still say the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, not the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel. I believe that as long as we are in these physical bodies, our past never entirely leaves us but serves as a reminder of who we used to be and how much we have grown.
Jacob set up a matzeva or pillar of stone as the physical sign affirming the promise of hope. And like every two-sided coin, Jacob had to erect another matzeva in honour of his beloved Rachel, who died on the way. He would remember how a rash vow had consequences. These stories hide nothing from us, nor do they whitewash our ancestors. Let us not try to whitewash our past, but let our past serve to humble us and remind us that the only holder of Truth is the God who formed us. On our journey through life, the more we trust Him, the more we can rejoice and be grateful that we are safe and not alone. Our walk with God causes shut doors to open and paths of opportunity we never saw to appear suddenly. I have watched God make a way for me when there didn’t seem to be a way. It doesn’t mean that we walk through life with blind faith. No, we all have our part to play.
Look at all that Jacob did to prepare for his reunion with his brother. It is not enough to say, “Oh, I believe in God, He’ll handle it.” The Torah speaks about humility and obedience. We can pretend to be humble and to fake obedience, but God knows our hearts. His motto is tzedek, tzedek tirdof – justice, justice we must pursue. If we do these things, can we expect a totally tranquil life? I think not. The beauty of the Torah is that it shows us that its heroes are human, not demigods. There will be rough patches when we pay the price for our pride, when we fall back into old patterns stemming from our upbringing. But instead of tearing ourselves down, we can stop to recognize that these are the times of our most significant growth and accept them with humility and gratitude – they mean God is not finished with us. Jacob was brought back to Bethel, the place where he first fled from Esau. How often does God bring us back to a place that needs a new perspective for us to grow? As a result of our childhood, many of us have felt unsafe, alone, and filled with fear, but as we wrestle with ourselves, God helps us break these old paradigms, and they are life-changing. You and I have the benefit of these stories that our ancestors, about whom Moses wrote, did not have. Their lives exemplify for us the consequences of our actions, so that we can learn not to make the same mistakes. That’s how we learn wisdom.
One important thing we can glean from the Torah is that for every action there is a reaction. Applying a bandage to a festering wound to fix the reaction never works. We must seek out the root cause. Today, we are screaming out against anti-Semitism. Why did Cain kill Abel? Why did Esau want to kill Jacob? Why do the enemies of Israel and the Jews want to kill us? The root lies in the Torah, and until we deal with the root, the battle will continue. So let us choose our battles wisely. We can choose trust over fear. It’s not easy, and it takes time, but with God, all things are possible.
Shabbat Shalom
Peggy Pardo